The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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