I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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