Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
