dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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