That's when you crack a 10am beer
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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