Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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