To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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