yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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