youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
