Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
