i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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