I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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