Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
is wine microwaveable?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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