STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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