its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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