I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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