He uses pillows to masturbate.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
