Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
