never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
