Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
