I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
