he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
