I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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