just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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