If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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