Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
