If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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