We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
