alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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