Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
