I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
