dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
