He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
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