i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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