yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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