Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
