You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
