someone threw a dead crab at me
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
