I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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