I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
