Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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