Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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