i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
