u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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