in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
