there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
