Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
