Your face is a jimmy john
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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