Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
