she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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