its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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