Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
