this just has baby written all over it
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
