I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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