I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
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