Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
