Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
