i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize