But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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