It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i drank out of a bidet.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
