I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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