i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
