Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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