Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
