She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
