My hand turned me down
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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