dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
